My Teenager Has Just Become a Christian. How Can I Help?
My Teenager Has Just Become a Christian. How Can I Help?
Your Teenager Has Become a Christian. What Happens Next?
It’s the moment that every Christian parent dreams of, but it’s often also the thing we feel least prepared for when it actually happens.
As a Youth Pastor, I regularly get the outrageous blessing of being there when teenagers decide to become Christians, and one of the first things I encourage them to do is to tell their parents about the decision that they’ve made.
As a parent, this is probably something that you’ve prayed about for years. You’re excited, you’re overjoyed, and most importantly you’re thankful to God! But so much energy has gone into praying for this moment to happen that you realise you haven’t actually prepared for when it does.
Your teenager has just become a Christian, and while you’re excited about their decision, you might also be wondering how best to help them.
Even parents who have been Christians for many years may feel a bit out of their depth when it comes to helping their teenager take their first steps. So don’t worry, you’re not alone if that’s you!
I want to offer you some practical tips for encouraging your teenager’s new faith.
Naturally as a parent, your desire will be to see your child’s faith grow and flourish. This desire is good and right, and it recognises the reality that as a parent, you have the God-given responsibility of being the primary discipler for your children.
It’s really important to remember though that ultimately God is the one who does the work of Spiritual growth in people, not us. Paul reminds the Corinthians (and us) of this when he explains that even though he and Apollos have played a role in their Spiritual journey, God is the one who has been at work behind it all.
I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow.
1 Corinthians 3:6
God usually uses ordinary things to bring about that growth in people, like his Word, prayer, church, and relationships with other Christians.
As parents, we have an incredible opportunity to encourage our children as they follow Jesus. But we need to remember that we’re not the ones who save them, and we’re not the ones who make them grow. That’s God’s work! Our job is to keep pointing them back to him.
7 Ways to Help Your New Christian Teenager Grow
1. Celebrate with them!
The Bible says that when a person becomes a Christian, there is rejoicing in heaven (Luke 15:10). Make sure your teenager knows that you’re genuinely excited for them!
Start by asking them what led to their decision and take the time to listen to their story (and fight the urge to launch into giving them a list of instructions and advice). Encourage them for their courage and make sure they know that you support them.
If they’ve grown up in the church, don’t assume that you know what they’ve understood or experienced. The reality is that teenagers often decide to follow Jesus at very different stages of understanding, and with very different experiences.
What could you say?
- “I’m so excited to hear that you’ve decided to follow Jesus! I’d love to hear a bit more about what led you to that decision.”
2. Keep having conversations about Jesus
The easiest way to have ‘Jesus’ conversations is to create a culture in your family where it’s normal and happens often. We want to create an environment like the one described in Deuteronomy 6:6-7, where God’s Word is spoken about in our everyday life. Conversations about faith should be natural rather than forced. Nothing will shut down a teenager faster than crowbarring important topics into conversations where it doesn’t naturally fit.
If your teenager asks a question, take the time to listen and to respond properly – don’t brush it off. Even if the questions are difficult, engage in the conversation. At best, they’ll walk away encouraged by your answer. And even if you don’t know the answer, you’ll have reinforced a culture where questions are taken seriously.
What could you say?
“Was there anything at youth group tonight that you found particularly interesting or confusing?”
3. Keep reminding them of God's grace
Naturally as parents, we will have a range of expectations for our children. But we need to be very careful that their Spiritual life doesn’t get blended into our other expectations for them. The worst thing would be that reading their Bible, praying, or attending church become just another set of tasks to complete alongside their other chores – like cleaning their room or taking out the garbage. We need to help them see that these things are a response to grace, not a way to earn it.
We also need to recognise that becoming a Christian does not mean that a teenager will suddenly stop making mistakes! They will still fail, just like we do. We need to reinforce that their assurance is in Christ’s completed work for them, not in their achievement.
What could you say?
- “Being a Christian doesn’t mean you’re suddenly going to get everything right. The wonderful thing is that Jesus has already done everything needed to save us.”
4. Help them start reading the Bible
The Bible is really clear in telling us that it is the normal means by which God shapes and grows his people. 2 Timothy 3:16 tells us:
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.
2 Timothy 3:16-17
The trouble is that approaching the Bible can be daunting for somebody who has never read it before (or maybe only has a little experience). Rather than just telling them to read it, offer them suggestions of where to start. I’ve always found Mark’s Gospel to be an excellent starting point for any new Christian of any age.
You might also offer to read the Bible with them, or to discuss it with them afterwards to help them answer any questions they might have. If you’re looking for a practical resource for new Christian teenagers that might help you with this, you can check out What Now?
It’s also important to help them find an accessible translation. I’d recommend the New International Version (NIV) for most teens because it strikes a good balance between accuracy and readability. If they are younger, or their reading level is lower, they might find that the Contemporary English Version (CEV) is easier to handle.
The most important thing to remember is that the discipline of reading the Bible is about getting to know Jesus better, not about completing a task.
If you’re wondering what to give your teenager to help them get started, I’ve also recommended some books, Bible-reading tools and apps for new Christian teenagers that might be useful.
What could you say?
- “If you want to get to know Jesus better, one of the best things you can do is read the Bible. How would you feel about us reading a bit of Mark’s Gospel together?”
5. Pray with them and for them
We all know that teenagers can sometimes withdraw from talking (especially with their parents). This is a fairly normal part of this stage of life, and while it can make things difficult, keep persevering! Praying with your teenager can be a challenge, but it will help to model and teach them so much about the Christian life. After all, being a Christian is not a set of behaviours, it’s a relationship with the living God.
Keep prayer simple and accessible, ask them what you can pray for them, pray at regular times through the day, and let them see you praying even if you’re not doing it with them.
What could you say?
- “Is there anything going on at school or with your friends that you’d like me to pray about?”
6. Help them build relationships with other Christians
We’ve already acknowledged that parents are intended to be the primary disciplers of their own children, but the good news is, you don’t need to do it alone!
A local church, and where possible a Youth Group, can provide teenagers with encouragement, teaching, friendships and other examples of mature Christian living. More than that, offering teenagers opportunities to be in intergenerational Christian relationships can go a long way to ensuring they stick it out for the long haul. Research done by the Fuller Youth Institute showed that young Christians greatly benefited when they had investment from 5 adults who were not their parents.
For many teenagers, parent support will be required to help get them to and from Youth Group and church, as well as encouragement when they don’t feel like going. It’s a great idea to keep reminding them of the value of Christian community because this helps them to go with the right motivation.
You should also take the time to get to know their youth leaders. They too will be trying to figure out the best way to disciple your child, and they should be doing this as your partner and support. If you want to get on the same page, you could see our guide to following up a new Christian teenager for Youth Leaders.
What could you say?
- “One of the great things about being a Christian is that we don’t have to follow Jesus on our own. Who are some other Christians you know who encourage you?”
7. Be patient and give them room to grow
Part of the teenage years (which you probably remember, even if you pretend you can’t) is a desire to find your own identity, and in particular one which is distinct from your parents. It’s really important to give your child room to take responsibility for their own faith.
Resist the temptation to monitor every Spiritual habit, or to compare them with other teenagers. They’ll probably have doubts, frustrations and questions along the way but your job is to keep loving and encouraging them, including through seasons where their enthusiasm changes.
Most importantly, remember that perseverance is ultimately sustained by God’s grace.
What could you say?
- “If you ever have questions or you’re struggling with something about being a Christian, you can always talk to me. I’d love to think it through with you.”
Frequently Asked Questions
What if my teenager has lots of doubts or difficult questions?
The good news is that doubts and questions aren’t necessarily a sign that something has gone wrong. In fact, they’re often the way that God chooses to grow people in their understanding and faith. Your main job is to listen, to take their questions seriously, and to look to the Bible. You don’t need to have every answer.
What if my teenager doesn't seem as excited about being a Christian anymore?
Often, teenagers decide to become Christians in a special moment, like at a Youth Camp or an event. This usually comes with an initial excitement that naturally can change over time. The Christian life is not all easy, but it is all good. Remember that faith is not measured in enthusiastic feelings. The value of faith is in the object of faith (in this case, Jesus). So long as their trust is in him, you don’t need to worry about the ups and downs of feelings. Instead, continue loving them, praying for them, and supporting them rather than pressuring them to try and recapture that initial experience.
What if I'm not a Christian myself?
You don’t need to share your child’s faith in order to support them. Listen to them, ask them questions and keep open communication with them. Where possible and appropriate, help them to connect with other trustworthy people who do share their beliefs (a local church is a great place for this).
You might even take the chance to explore what they believe for yourself.
Helping Your Teenager Keep Following Jesus
As a parent, there are few greater joys than seeing your child begin to follow Jesus. But helping them grow as a Christian doesn’t mean having all the answers or doing everything perfectly.
Keep loving them, keep encouraging them, and keep pointing them back to Jesus. Remember that their relationship with God is ultimately founded on what Jesus has done for them, not what they or you can achieve.
Our prayer isn’t simply that our teenagers would begin following Jesus, but that they would keep following him for the rest of their lives.
Looking for a Resource to Help Your Teenager?
That’s exactly why I wrote What Now?. It’s a short, practical book designed to help teenagers take their first steps following Jesus.
From understanding what it means to be a Christian to getting connected with a church and beginning to read God’s Word, What Now? provides a simple starting point for their new life as a Christian.
It also includes the entire Gospel of Mark, with explanations, reflection questions and prayers to help teenagers begin reading the Bible for themselves.
Whether you read it alongside your teenager or give them a copy to work through themselves, What Now? is a resource to help them keep growing in their faith.
About the Author
Matt Shannon
Matt is the Youth and Young Adults Minister at St Michael’s Anglican Cathedral in Wollongong and the author of What Now?. He has spent years helping teenagers explore the Christian faith and take their first steps following Jesus through both church and school ministry.